


A Date With Envy-tan

by Reactionist



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Despair, Dom/sub, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Femdom, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Psychological Horror, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Hatred
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:34:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29114607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Reactionist/pseuds/Reactionist
Summary: The Witch of Envy decided to capture Subaru's love and affection by whatever means necessary. No matter how cruel and evil. He must be hers. Emilia notices this and decides to stop it. Second place winner of the Brighter Future contest. One-shot with planned chapters.
Relationships: Emilia/Natsuki Subaru, Natsuki Subaru/Satella
Comments: 16
Kudos: 83





	A Date With Envy-tan

_**A Date With Envy-tan** _

* * *

Waking up in the darkness of this garden has always been his least favorite part of the day. Smelling the disgusting scent that's been covering him since the moment he stepped into this world was something he loathed. Opening his eyes to the black empty space around him was so very nauseating and frightening. The feeling of loneliness as he floated uselessly around the void was so very infuriating. He hated it. He hated this place. He hated his life in this place. His life didn't mean anything in the void, floating uselessly in the darkness with a stench that had been the cause of hurting him so many times. He was empty. He was empty. He was empty. Useless.

Can't help himself or anyone else in such a twisted place.

Can't do anything but breathe in the moist heavy air of the dark tomb.

Can't see anything except for endless black.

Can't scream or talk….

So the fear and loneliness began sitting into his mind once again.

Like always, since he began visiting this void, he stayed floating for the longest time in the endless dark.

Months, years, eons. It didn't matter how much time he spent in here, he was never going to get out.

Every time he manages to get out, something brings him back here.

That thing forces him to stay there… floating uselessly…

Subaru Natsuki, the black-haired knight that had died time and time again to save his beloved lady and his friends, a boy so useless yet so influential, a brave hero that saved so many people…. Started crying as he lost himself in the void once again.

The fear began sitting in once more. The horror of no one hearing his voice forced its way into his mind.

"Well someone….hear my voice again?" The boy sobbed brokenly as his torture continued in the black emptiness.

"I… I want someone to hear me…." He sobbed once more while holding his head in his palms.

"Someone… please… please acknowledge me… " Subaru cried his heart out while his tears fell down his cheeks and floated into the void.

So alone. So hateful. So disgusting. So gross. So revolting. So useless. So broken. So angry. So repulsive. So unneeded. So demented. So jealous. So greedy. So unwanted. So horrible. So ugly. So bad. So small. So arrogant.

"I'm sorry….GHK! I'm so SORRY! PLEASE! I'M SO SORRY!" As his mind shouted his describing features, Subaru's weak self couldn't take the hurtful words and how true they were.

He couldn't take anymore of this place. He needed to get out of here. He needed to getaway.

So… he did what he always did when he was punished in this void.

He begged for the forgiveness of his warden.

The one who placed him in here;

"I'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorryI'msosorry PLEASE FORGIVE ME! PLEASE! PLEASE! PLEASE! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Subaru began sobbing and shouting wildly, trying to make his voice penetrate the walls of the endless void. Begging and pleading for help, pathetically trying to earn forgiveness of his tormentor.

"Please…" The boy sniffed brokenly as his fear overwhelmed his heart and mind.

"I don't want to be alone anymore…" The boy whimpered in the darkness while his tears ran down his cheeks.

Subaru Natsuki floated uselessly in the void once more, choking on his sobs as his pathetic display didn't seem to get a reaction out of his torturer, as if they didn't find it amusing to have him broken at their feet anymore.

"Please…. Someone…. " Subaru Natsuki choked once more, in one last attempt… he voiced his true desire. "Someone… I want someone… to love me."

Subaru's voice quieted down immediately as he voiced his only desire in a broken disturbed tone.

**_Flash of memory… ruffling of sounds… muffled noises… blurry images…_ **

'What's going on?'

'I felt this feeling before…. Why am I not swimming anymore? Why do I feel really comfortable… it feels warm… it feels real… '

The boy's vision went white and his entire body went numb. Feeling the brief sensation of the ground, _a ground,_ beneath him filled his soul with some form of relief. A sensation of _something_ moving beneath his head. Something soft and smooth. Comfortable and addicting.

He couldn't see anything…. He didn't want to open his eyes…. He didn't want to say anything…

"I don't want this to be fake…. I don't want to go back… "

He didn't want to see her face again.

He didn't want to _feel_ that feeling again.

Slowly… the boy's senses started coming back… as if he was moved through space his body needed time to adjust to the new reality.

He could feel the weight of his limps forced him to feel what he was laying on. The same grassy plane his tormentor always forced him into.

He could feel their soft smooth thighs beneath his head, their favorite way of tormenting him even more.

He could feel the warm breath coming from the person's nose as they breathed down his face.

Subaru's shut eyes couldn't keep the tears from running down the sides of his face.

The sense of emptiness.

The dark endless void.

The fear.

The horror.

The loneliness.

All of these dark and torturous feelings that had overwhelmed him to the point of tears in the dark void suddenly disappeared.

Replaced with overwhelming senses and emotions he was well versed in. They were the same emotions he felt every time he got trapped by this person.

The despair turned to overwhelming calm.

The horror of his situation turned into a boom warmth inside of his chest.

The fear of the unknown turned to an inescapable attachment towards the person breathing on his face.

His own mind grew numb from how much care and affection he felt as the hand of his capture slipped through his hair, petting him as if he was a plaything for them.

It was intense… Subaru Natsuki felt alone and hopeless in the void…. But with this person… He felt something foreign and impossible for him to have ever felt.

Something he dearly wished for.

Something he cried and begged for.

**_ LOVE _ **

Subaru was loved. Intensely. Powerfully. Completely. Truly. Possessively. Full heartedly. Overwhelmingly. Impossibly. Diligently.

He was LOVED!

His despair-filled tears turned into streams of happiness running down his cheeks. The pain he suffered was gone. The fear was gone. The loneliness was gone.

Subaru could feel the heavenly thighs beneath his head slightly adjust as the person leering at him from above lowered her head slightly closer over his face. So close he could now feel her warm breath coming out of her soft pinkish lips.

Her hands softly caressed his hair as if she was treading silk.

Like every meeting between them both, the shadow-clad lady began their interaction with her favored words towards the boy.

**"….** **I love you…** **"**

"…"

**"** **I love you…** **"**

"… P.."

**"** **IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou** **…** **.** **"**

"Please…"

Subaru kept his eyes closed… He heard her soft, angel-like voice whisper over his ear as she played with his locks. He felt her excitedly move her folded legs beneath his head just to feel him resting on more of her cold skin.

Cold and smooth her skin was, her voice was filled with warmth and tenderness. As if he was the most important thing in the world.

It made his heart stand completely still at every word of confession she threw at him. His stomach moved and tumbled as if singing butterflies were in it. His entire nervous system collapsed into a puddle just from her passionate touch as she toyed with his hair by the very tip of her fingers.

Her power. Her authority. Her evil status. Her misdeeds. Her mistakes. Her crimes.

They didn't matter to him.

For Natsuki Subaru felt the second feeling prone from his warden's constant visits.

He was in love with this girl.

He felt love for the lady that had tortured him for days on end just to get him for herself for a couple of hours.

Saving him from the loneliness she forced him into while covering him with deep stated love as she poured her passion and care into every word she whispered.

**"** **I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you-** **"**

"Talk about Stockholm syndrome." The boy thought in despair as his heart and mind were drugged by the passion and affection her voice alone contained.

**"** **Look at me, my love… I was meant to have you for myself….mine and mine alone… mineminemineminemine… hehehehehe forever mine…. You'll be mine for now and later… You'll be owned by no one… Only I get to own you… mineminemineminemineminemineminemine…. I love you so much…** **"**

The love in her tone wasn't lost on the boy. The possessiveness was endearing at best yet creepy at worst. Her soft silky voice made him want to do nothing but obey her words and have a chance to gaze at her angelic face, to see if she looked just like she sounded.

Her touches increased, making him feel needed.

Her words turned his mind upside down, making him drugged on everything coming from her mouth.

Her love and passion forced his heart to panic and pound his chest with repeated beets.

He felt loved.

He loved her too.

That is why…

That is why….. Subaru could only do one thing….

The only thing he had the power to do in this shadow garden of hers… The one thing that would save him….

Subaru Natsuki did what he always did when he meets with this wonderful lady…

 **"** **Oh …. That's a shame… You were doing so good my beloved… I was going to be proud…** **"** The shadow-covered woman looked down at the boy sleeping on her lap with such disappointment and malice coming from her mouth, Subaru felt crushed and disappointed in himself for ruining this goddess's mood.

 **"** **But.. I understand your pain my love… I know how the world has broken into you just to take your love away from me…** **"** The lady's tone changed to one filled with sadness so abruptly and so suddenly that it placed fear into Subaru's heart once more.

Her soft fingers crushed his scalp as she leaned down until her mouth was right next to the boy's ear.

**"** **I'll save you… my one and only… You and I will be together forever… I'll save you… I'll love you… I'll make you mine once again…** **"**

Subaru's conflicted heart forced him to break into pieces. Wanting to keep this lady happy and happily taking her divine love, or wanting to flee for his life from the sheer insanity in the woman's tone.

His head was bleeding badly from the lady's grip as her powerful strength dusted his bones just because of her disappointment with him.

"….Ghk! Rggghhhhhkkkk!"

The boy cried in pain and confusion as he didn't know what to do, to love and be loved or to escape somewhere far away from her evil? Which one? His feelings for the woman were stronger than anything he ever felt for anyone before. But the nagging feeling of _something_ being wrong with this whole interaction was strongly present in his mind.

So Subaru Natsuki did what he's always done to disappoint the Witch of Envy's plans.

He kept his eyes shut and sank his teeth into the flesh of his tongue.

Slowly, the metallic tasting blood burst out of his self-inflicted wound and poured an extreme amount of blood down the suffering boy's throat and out of his mouth towards the lady's smooth thighs and the grassy floor of the shadow garden.

As Subaru bleed and gasped in pain on her lap, The Witch of Envy softly shook her head and looked at the pathetic boy with annoyance.

 **"** **Satella wouldn't be happy with you, beloved… She would punish you herself if she had control at this moment…** **"** Envy sounded amused to mock the boy as he bled on her lap, softening her grip on his skull and returning her hand into a petting motion as she sickly and possessively smiled down while the boy died on her lap.

**"** **You're mine.** **"**

The boy gurgled and suffocated from his own pouring blood, slowly but softly losing control over his body and eventually his lungs.

Keeping his eyes shut. He could only feel her caressing his hair while muttering her claim over his being.

Had he opened his eyes even once… He would've seen the coldest most possessive smile aimed right above him as Envy watched his dying moment with glee.

Knowing that she will have the ability to force him back in her garden under her command after a few weeks of torture in her void. Breaking him and making him soft and dependent on her. Making her the only thing on his mind. The one thing he should be grateful too. The only thing he should love.

So, Envy bored through the sight of her beloved dying before her once again, not at all sad that he killed himself just to stay away from her. She had a plan now. To make him hers and hers alone, and she had to be strong and forget about his pain since it'll all lead to the greater good.

Where he would be under her control completely;

But the stubborn boy had _attachments_ in that disgusting world where she couldn't be present.

So he bled and died on her lap without even saying a word.

Rude.

Subaru simply lay limp for one moment. Losing all power to hold on to this body….

And then…

Everything stayed dark since he hadn't opened his eyes.

He had died. The pain stopped. The sensation of her heavenly thighs disappeared and replacing it was one of emptiness. The rush of his closeness to her disappeared as his soul moved away from the Witch's garden and towards the true realm where he belongs.

**_Subaru Natsuki, died._ **

**_Darkness…_ **

**_A faint noise… A blurry image…_ **

"Subaru!"

"Yeah!"

The boy instantly jumped up in haste as a loud voice banged through his eardrums.

"What is it?! School isn't opened yet!" The grumpy boy looked around with a glare on his face akin to a greasy seaman that hadn't touched booze for 3 hours. Finding himself in a fancy bedroom with accommodating furniture instead of the shadow garden he was so used to wake up in.

'I made it…. Thank you, Lord!'

The boy wanted to cry tears of happiness as relief flooded his entire system. He managed to make it back! He survived another garden!

'IdiditIdiditIdidit-'

"Subaru!"

A loud booming voice boomed across the room, cutting him from celebrating in his mind and forcing him to acknowledge the speaker that woke him up from the last face-off against Envy this past week.

"I've been trying to get you to wake up for hours, I suppose! Had Betty known how much of a lazy bum her contractor would be, she wouldn't have chosen him, infact! Hmph!"

Subaru's heart warmed up with happiness as he witnessed his beloved spirit, a blonde twin-tail-haired girl that was pouting and facing away from him with annoyance clear on her adorable face.

The boy softly patted the girl's head with a wide smile that was filled with charisma or what he would call that since he was still tired from his last 'adventure' he went through in his sleep.

"Come ooooon! You know you love me! You wouldn't leave hopeless little ol' me on my own, would you?"

"Course not, I suppose. Are you an idiot, I wonder? Betty would never leave her hopeless contractor on his own."

"…."

Subaru could only stare at the girl in shock.

Beatrice's face turned red from anger as soon as he made his joke. The girl immediately berated and shouted her care for him while standing up and glaring sternly at him like one would do a naughty child.

Seeing how immediate her passion and worry for him was…

Feeling kind of protected by her adorable promise to him…

He…

"Subaru?…. "

The boy's blurry eyes blinked…

Beatrice was looking at him with an alarmed expression. "Did Betty do something wrong, I suppose?" The girl asked with a heartbroken tone.

Subaru wondered if should laugh or sob at how much he loved this feeling… how much he loved having people caring for him…

Patting her head with one hand and wiping his tear-shedding eyes with the other, Subaru managed to get a hold on his nerves and achieved his goal of not falling on the ground and start sobbing and crying in despair in front of the elegant girl.

"It's just sand in my eyes, dear Beako. We have a lot to do today, yeah? Let's get a move on! We don't wanna be lazy bum bums!"

"R-Right, I suppose!" The adorable girl slowly bounced off of the bed and followed her contractor as he rushed out of his room.

She gave one last look towards the bed… her worried expression returned full force.

"Why was _her_ smell all over you, I wonder?" Beatrice asked firmly while glaring at the bed with conviction.

Something wasn't right with the boy… Beatrice knew it…

* * *

Something wasn't right with this boy… Petra instantly knew it…

The little maid has been trying to get the boy to play with her or even come with her to visit the village for a week now. Her frustration led to her watching the boy's daily routine without anyone noticing.

* * *

**_"_ _Why wouldn't you want to play some warm-ups, Subaru?_ _"_ _The little girl asked with an alarmed expression._ **

**_Subaru's face twisted into a broken smile, his eyes puffy, his breathing heavy and….pained? As if he was holding himself together barely._ **

**_"_ _I-I'm so sorry Petra-chan… I c-can't today… I'm very busy…_ _"_ **

**_Her shimmering blue eyes filled up with worry immediately. She recognized some form of discomfort in the boy's tone as he swayed tiredly from side to side when walking away from her._ **

**_The little maid ran up to his side and softly held his hand to guide him upright._ **

**_"_ _Didn't you get enough sleep, Subaru?_ _"_ _The girl asked,_ _her face filled with alarm at the boy's state._ **

**_Th_ _e_ _boy's face looked haunted for a second before he faked out a broken smile and looked through his trembling eyes towards the little maid._ **

**_"I…_ _. haven't slept well at all, Petra-chan… I'm sorry, but I need to work on some stuff and I won't be able to do anything with you for today._ _"_ **

**_"_ _It's alright. Just make sure you get some rest Subaru. You don't want to make Ram-sama mad and think that you're slacking!_ _"_ **

**_The fake laugh that came out of his mouth was one of the most sickening sounds Petra has heard in her life. It sounded so broken. So ironic. So….not Subaru._ **

**_"…..._ _S-Subaru?_ _"_ **

**_The boy held his stomach for a moment and calmed down with heavy breathes. His face was_ _plastered_ _with a sad smile that broke her heart._ **

**_"Yeah…_ ** **_I don't want anyone disappointed in me._ ** **_"_ ** **_He said in a very weird tone as if he was lifting something heavy._ **

**_"_ ** **_I gotta go, Petra-chan… I'll play with you tomorrow._ ** **_"_ **

**_The pretty village girl remained fixated on the black-haired young man. worriedly watching his treating back._ **

**_"But…_ **

* * *

"You… haven't played with me for a week…" The small maid shook her head and wiped some tears from her eyes. That conversation happened 7 days ago. Where Subaru started the day tired and haunted by something heavy. This set the trend, that would continue throughout the rest of the week. Their interactions were the same now. She would ask if he was ready to do anything and he would try his best to decline her.

"What is wrong with you Subaru? What are you doing?" The small maid whispered as she swiftly followed the boy through the hallways of the estate with a worried look on her face.

She watched as Subaru met up with the blonde rough boy that was related to her mentor, Frederica. The boy was talking to Subaru with a hopeful expression about something exciting.

The small maid felt her heartbreak as she noticed Subaru saying something with an expression of guilt… What hurt to watch, was the blonde boy's face falling into one of disappointment and confusion.

And it hurt, even more, to watch the crushed boy gaze at the back of Subaru's head pathetically while Subaru ignored him and went along his day as always.

Petra softly shook her fists in anger and continued to follow Subaru, leaving the sad crushed Garfiel behind to wallow.

"Cap'n… What did I do?" The tiger boy asked with a despaired expression as he held his head in his hands.

* * *

**_"_ _Wha's up, Cap'n? Ya need somethin' before we start trainin'?_ _"_ _The proud Garfiel waved to his black-haired hero with a wide smile on his face._ **

**_As soon as Garfiel noticed how his captain looked, he decided to comment._ **

**_"_ _What happened to ya? Why do you look like someone beat ya up? Who did it?! Just point and I'll show them my teeth-_ _"_ **

**_"_ _It's nothing Garfiel! Don't get too hasty now! We don't want a repeat of some unfortunate events. It's what always happens in most scenarios._ _"_ **

**_The emerald-eyed boy smiled wide_ _at his captain. Nodding along to the weird words his captain used. It was a secret tactic most of the camp used when Subaru spoke like this. He found it cool at first, but it was really hard to understand when explained._ **

**_"_ _But seriously, what happened cap'n? Why do ya look like this?_ _"_ **

**_Garfiel looked at his friend seriously and expectantly_ _as he looked once over at his captain's appearance._ _The black-haired boy had nastier eyes as the effects of a long night's struggle were displayed by the sheer_ _ruggedness visible all over Subaru's form. Everything on him looked so wrong. From the clothes to his tired red eyes, to his clearly tear-stained face, even his clothes were on backwards._ **

**_"_ _Do I? Will I need to dress better to make_ _everyone else look nicer. I think I might ditch the tracksuit._ _"_ **

**_"But…_ _Cap'n… it's awesome lookin' why would you want to lose it?_ _"_ _Garfiel asked with confusion and alarm. Afraid that his Cap'n would throw his iconic suit away._ **

**_Subaru only stared at Garfiel with nearly empty-looking eyes… Garfiel started becoming concerned._ **

**_"_ _I mean… If you think it looks good…_ _"_ **

**_"Cap'n…_ _What's up?_ _"_ _Never one for running around things, Garfiel_ _demanded an answer for why his captain looked so wrong._ **

**_Subaru looked at the tough warrior with a hardened expression._ **

**_"Garf…_ _I'm not going to train with you anymore… ever…._ _"_ **

**_"Wha…_ _?!_ _"_ **

**_"_ _I have things I need to do for the moment. I can't hang out with you anymore buddy. Sorry._ _"_ **

**_Garfiel could only watch_ _the black-haired boy walk away from him without a care._ **

**_"But…_ _why?_ _"_ _Garfiel asked with a hurt expression as_ _his cap'n shunned hi_ _m so boldly without explaining anything._ **

* * *

"Did it work?"

Garfiel shook his head and hang his head low in shame.

"I was useless… I'm sorry." He said as he turned around to the green dressed head interior of the camp.

Otto had an understanding expression with little disappointment.

"It's not your fault, Garf. He just has a lot going on right now."

"But Cap'n hasn't talked to us fer a week! I can't 'elp but think about what I did wrong! Maybe I made him angry at me for mine amazing muscle for some reason. I promised to train him but he refused mine amazing selfs help."

Otto couldn't do anything to ease his friend's rant as the frustrated Garfiel punched a wall until it cracked while holding in his hurt tears from another shunning from his captain for the dozenth time this week.

Otto could understand his friend's frustration… He held the same agitation towards their relationship as a trio at the moment.

The merchant boy could only sigh and look down at the floor with an expression that held sadness and a hint of pain, like he was grimacing at an unpleasant memory.

Which he was.

* * *

**_"Natsuki-san…_ _We need to talk…_ _"_ **

**_2 days after Subaru began his self-isolation from_ ** **_everyone_ ** **_in the mansion, Otto decided that enough was enough. He needed to help his clearly deteriorating friend. Subaru never woke up in the right state of mind. He never woke up on time. He would sleep all day or stay awake all night. And he would always end up looking much worse for wear once he woke up no matter how long he rested. Puffy eyes that held fear and panic in them. A dry face that showed how tired and broken he was becoming. Unkempt hair. Sluggish walk. Slumped shoulders. Abnormal behavior. Always looking around him. Never talking to anyone for longer than two sentences. Never staying close to anyone in the mansion for too long and if he did he would always be stiff and uncomfortable_ ** **_with wide-eyed expressions….as if someone was watching him somewhere and the idea of Subaru staying with someone for too long had painful consequences for the boy._ **

**_Otto needed to help his friend._ **

**_So he faced him…. Otto met Subaru in the Interior's headquarters and glared at him heatedly._ **

**_"_ _-Sigh- What is it Ottoooo? I'm not in the mood to stay here for too long._ _"_ _Subaru stretched in his seat after a long meeting with Roswaal and his niece about converting the rights of his inventions to the camp's benefit._ **

**_The merchant just stared at the back_ _of_ _Subaru's head._ **

**_"_ _I want to know what's been going on with you,_ _Natsuki-san? Why are you trying so hard to be alone all the tim-_ _"_ **

**_"_ _Otto._ _"_ **

**_The merchant was about to start a rant about friendship and how they could stick together… but something about Subaru's tone that day… haunted… broken… choked… about to break down completely._ **

**_Otto shut his mouth and stared at Subaru's slumped head._ **

**_"_ _Please._ _"_ _Subaru begged._ _"_ _Don't get involved in this one. Please._ _"_ **

**_"I-…"_ **

**_"_ _Someone I care about just died… I can't help b_ _u_ _t mourn for a few days…_ _"_ **

**_"…"_ **

**_"_ _Please, Otto._ _"_ **

**_"_ _It's not healthy. Natsuki-san… But I'll respect your wish._ _"_ **

**_Otto exited the room that day with one thought in his head… Subaru was lying… He was lying to get rid of his efforts to help him._ **

**_Otto was hurt by this. Greatly. But he was also more worried than anything._ **

**_Why?_ **

**_Why was Subaru outright BEGGING to be left alone?_ **

**_W-_ **

* * *

"What is hurting him so much?" Otto asked with his head down in defeat and despair.

Garfiel simply growled at the carpeted floor with his hand still on the broken wall.

Two friends…. Suffering for the third's pain.

* * *

Petra crouched behind the pillar to hide completely.

Subaru had just met up with a pink-haired Oni maid. Petra didn't know what had happened between the two… but it looked like they were only strangers talking with one another now.

(With Subaru and Ram.)

"Morning, Barusu."

"Morning, Ram-sama." Subaru sighed tiredly and rubbed his eyes once more.

"Couldn't sleep last night?" The maid coldly asked while wiping the marble floor with a broom beside the boy.

"You worried about me? Didn't know you cared, Ram-sama." The boy tried to smile cheekily at the maid… who ignored him.

"Just noticed how much grosser you've become since last morning."

"…"

Subaru just looked down at his reflection on the wet floor.

"Guess I am gross." He whispered as he stared at his reflection.

Which was stomped by the maid's shoe as she stood in front of the boy with a narrowed stare on her face.

"Have you remembered something useful while you pathetically wept in your sleep last night?"

Unfazed by the maid's snarky tone, Subaru steeled his expression and stared right back at the maid with an obviously faked expression of confusion.

"What?"

Ram glared at the boy with hatred fully revealed in her eyes.

"Are you still _acting_ that you've forgotten her?"

He didn't answer her… Even with her eyes firing up with furious intent…

The black-haired boy softly hung his head low as he answered in a soft tone. His body shaking like a leaf in the wind before her, Subaru answered brokenly.

"I…. "

Subaru clenched his fists to stop them from shaking.

"I… still don't know who this Rem is."

Ram looked at the boy up and down… and snorted.

"Once whatever useless struggle you're going through is done with and you _suddenly_ remember who my sister is, then _kindly_ let me know, yeah?" Ram snorted once again, her voice filled with sarcasm as she still hadn't believed the boy's words from 7 days ago.

"Ram…"

The maid stopped in her tracks and glared back at the boy, unable to hide her annoyance at his existence in her glare.

"… I'm sorry I couldn't remember who Rem wa-"

"Save it." The maid shut him down with malice coating his voice. "You can stop pretending whenever you want. Just know that my sister is lonely every night because you've stopped visiting her. I don't know why I would want to have a shoe rag such as yourself within my sister's presence. But I'm guessing she must've been a charitable person to have tolerated you enough to build a relationship with you. I don't remember her. But I will love her until I do. You were the one visiting her bed every night, speaking, sharing, telling, and giving all of your memories and adventures to my sister. Every. Single. Night. You held her hand and cried at the side of her bed."

Ram slowly picked up her broom and inched closer to the boy.

Petra gasped as Ram spat in the boy's unflinching face.

"And suddenly… out of nowhere… You decided that it would be a funny joke to have _forgotten_ my sister's entire existence and who she was." Ram stepped back from the boy with her eyes shooting venom towards him.

"7 days. Trash. That's how many tales you will tell my sister when you stop messing about. I'm keeping count, trash."

Subaru kept his head down. He kept his silence.

Ram finally disappeared in the distance of the hallway of the mansion.

The boy slowly let slip a few tears of anguish.

"I do… I remember her… I wouldn't forget her… " Subaru choked in the middle of the hall… thinking that he was alone with no one around.

He sobbed loudly and clenched his shirt with a shaking fist.

**You're mine… my love.**

**I'll punish you tonight.**

Subaru softly fell on the floor and wiped the spit off with his sleeve as he cried louder.

"I don't…. I didn't even do anything! She was the one who spoke to me about her! Please! I don't want to go back!" Subaru pleaded and fell into loud choking sobs

Petra needed to get somebody to help… she needed to do something.

The little girl ran away from her spot, bolting to find the others so she could share what she had witnessed.

Leaving the boy behind as he wept on the floor. Begging for relief. Begging for mercy from the punishment coming to him because he spoke about someone he loved.

"I'm so sorry… please forgive me…" He pleaded on the ground to whatever invisible tormentor that could see him.

**Fufufufu… Alright, my love… As long as you keep thinking about me for the rest of your life… I'll let you off.**

Subaru's face contorted to one of horror as his entire mind was filled with drugged up emotions that forced an intense feeling of warmth and love to overwhelm his senses. It was intense and pulling. Fiery to the point of intoxication he couldn't breathe from how much affection he was feeling.

Only one thing…

All of that affection and passion would only be felt… every time he thought about Envy.

Subaru's fears came true.

His mind was so weak from the torture passed on him this last week that the Witch finally cracked him wide enough to place an unrequited feeling of affection and love to her and her alone.

Making Subaru love the very thought of Envy without even being here.

The boy softly heard the smooth, calming tone while he wept on the floor of the hallway.

**I love you… I love you… I love you… I love you…**

**You're mine… Just accept the truth…**

**Make me happy, my beloved…**

"P-Please…"

**…**

"… Don't hurt my friends… " Subaru sobbed as the feelings inside of him fought to overwhelm the painfully forced love for Satella out of his melting mind. Out of his senses. Out of his body. Out of his memory.

The pained, sobbing Subaru, slowly closed his eyes and tried to get up on his knees.

The torture. The horror. The self-induced hell he's been living through for the past week.

It was all to protect them.

To stop the black demon from hurting them.

**Now, that's not a nice thing to think of your lover, dear Subaru.**

Subaru could only close his eyes and muffle his pain by biting his sleeve as hard as he could.

A moment later, the rush he felt coming through the mana around him.

Subaru screamed into his sleeve as his heart was softly squeezed.

The same feeling of her black shadowy hand holding his beating organ and squeezing it so sadistically.

Subaru could only bite on his hand and whimper his agony away so no one could hear him. The burning, crushing feeling of his heart being used as a stress toy for the Witch's relief was almost strong enough for his affected senses to stop the ever forced love for the Witch from his mind.

'It's like a love potion….Ghhkkk!'

Subaru growled and bit his sleeve harder as the giddy Witch tightened her hold once again.

'Just kill me already!'

Subaru thought out loud, knowing that she could hear his thoughts clearly.

**Shhhhh**

The possessive tone of the lady sounded through his head as she softly caressed his heart.

**Everything I'm doing is for you, my love.**

**Because of your selfishness, I had to watch you care about another girl.**

**It made me feel so betrayed.**

Softly, Subaru tried to move towards a door to escape while she was talking, trying his best not to think of any of his friends, less that makes her even angrier.

But the Witch stopped time around him. Trapped him in her shadowed version of the world like everytime he spoke of his ability.

"But I didn't even say Return by Death… and there is no one around." Subaru spoke in confusion as he desperately tried to move his body.

**Tehehehe! I'm so glad I was able to pull you to my garden so many times. Did you know that that there's no such thing as mana in there?**

"What are you…. No." Subaru's eyes would've been wide had his body not frozen.

Before him, appeared Satella's shadowed person. Like an avatar of her black obsessive hateful soul standing above him with pure white eyes.

**I was able to get some new powers… because of you, my beloved Subaru… Everytime you come down to my garden you bring soft amounts of mana that helped me grow just strong enough to be able to reach you much better and for a longer period of time.**

The sickly sweet words tortured Subaru to the point of despair. He couldn't move or struggle. Her words sit a sense of undeserved happiness as if making him _want_ Envy to be able to reach him anytime.

"Stop…."

**Hm?**

The shadowed avatar tilted its head, copying its master in the shadow realm as she gazed at the frozen boy in confusion and immense happiness.

Subaru tried his best to glare from his sharp eyes… but he settled to growl out his words with as much frustration as possible.

"I don't love you."

**…**

"I never will."

Subaru stared at the avatar with malice coating his eyes.

The avatar stayed silent for a moment.

Then it moved to Subaru's ear.

Whispering, it said…

**If there was anyone else in this world you truly care about…**

**I'll make dolls out of their bodies…**

With that final threat…

Subaru found himself on the floor with no one standing over him and the world returning into its original form with colors and without any darkness.

Subaru's heart, body, mind, and soul all shook at once from the fear.

He knew how much of a cowardly person he was…

But completely murderous tone Envy left him with…

It forced the boy to want a change of clothes… His humiliation fed into his darkest thoughts. It fed into his sanity and broke his sense of shame.

Subaru's entire world was ruined one week ago… when Envy decided to take more drastic measures to show her deeply unsettling love for Subaru. Her power grew and with that so did the danger on anyone around him.

He couldn't have his friends. He couldn't have his love for Rem. He couldn't have any fun times with the kids. He couldn't stay for long with his spirit unless she needed mana.

He couldn't do anything with anyone.

It would make Envy jealous. And she would force him to sit in the endless black void until he admits how unloved and unneeded he is.

It's the only thing that made her happy. She wanted Subaru to admit that his friends and loved ones aren't taking care of him properly and that she was the only one capable of helping him smile.

The truth was that that the boy had cut everyone off from his life to keep Envy from being jealous of his attention being placed over someone else.

And he adopted a habit of letting his darkest thoughts take over him every time he felt sentimental for one of the residents of the mansion.

He made Otto feel disappointed.

He made Garfiel feel heartbroken.

He made Petra sad.

He made Ram hate him, maybe even loath his very being for what he's done to the sleeping wonderful girl upstairs of the mansion.

He made his contracted spirit feel inadequate and useless because she noticed his pathetic suffering.

But worst of all…. The person he wanted to cut off most…. The one he wanted to protect most from Envy's wrath…

"I'm so sorry… Emilia… " Subaru clenched his heart in pain and gritted his teeth as frustration and guilt tore through him like knives.

He remembered what he had done to the half-elf.

He remembered her tears.

He remembered her crushed look.

He remembered… Having Emilia's love right at his fingertips… and not being able to take it.

The pain from the slap would never leave his cheek no matter how much ice he placed on it.

"I'm pathetic." The boy whispered.

Slowly, he started standing up from the carpeted hall to walk towards the library. He needed to read something to get his mind off of this new situation.

Feeling dread that Envy is continuously holding more power in her grasp every time he meets her;

He needed to make a plan to counter that.

Fast.

* * *

In the darkness of the room, a thought occurred to her suddenly.

"Maybe I should've noticed the signs." The soft exhausted voice of a girl whispered through the silent chambers. Speaking about something in a sad regretful tone.

"Am I really… that horrendous?" The curled-up lady whispered disparagingly.

Emilia, the silver-haired half-elf slowly looked up towards her mirror. Her dull eyes roamed over her unkempt features. Form tear-stained cheeks to unruly silver hair. Her entire figure was disgusting to her. She would never be special to anyone with such a look on her face. She won't ever get another someone who would be willing to give her the love she desired.

As the depressed princess lamented over her unruly appearance, a knock on the door sounded.

Softly, leaning on her bed and standing from the floor, Emilia sluggishly opened the door to see who it was.

The lady opened the door.

"We have a problem, Emilia-sama."

"Otto-kun…?" Emilia softly whispered as confusion and surprise played over her face.

Before her chamber's doors, almost all of her camp was gathered.

"What's going on?" Emilia asked, forgetting her pain and depression for the time being to see what the problem was.

"It's about Subaru!" Petra jumped in with a worried look.

"S-Subaru? What happened to him?!" Emilia's heart ached so bad that her tears almost started running down her face once again. But she kept her effort strong to see what the fuss was about. Her _knight_ always was a magnet for trouble.

The others looked at the small maid standing at the center of them.

Emilia stared at Petra in bewilderment and worry.

The small maid met Emilia's eyes with seriousness as she recounted what she said to the others.

The half-elf's eyes widened as she listened to what they all had to say…

That memory played…

It played once again…

Yesterday's events played over their voices…

* * *

**Yesterday**

* * *

_Nothing was wrong with the boy!_

_Everyone was just paranoid._

_They were all just being a little extra obsessive of him, Subaru was a great kid to be around with so they all just want a piece of him._

_He was wonderful. He was charming. He wanted to protect everyone. He wanted to please everyone. He would do anything to see his friends smile._

_He made her feel safe. Feel powerful. Feel warm. Feel special._

_Emilia's smile never left her face as she softly brushed her silky hair and hummed quietly to herself as she danced in her new dress._

_"_ _Hehehe! I hope he wants a lap pillow today._ _"_ _Emilia giggled and blushed lightly in embarrassment as she danced around in her skirt dress. Imagining the ticklish hair strands on her legs._

_The silver-haired princess smiled wide and walked out of her room with a confident aura surrounding her._

_It was the day Emilia has been preparing for 3 months._

_Her smile never left her face as she practically bounced towards where her black-haired hero should be._

_"_ _I hope he hasn't forgotten about today… Subaru wouldn't do that but… He has been reeeeeally busy lately._ _"_

_Emilia looked a bit worried for a second as she remembered_ _how many times the boy had_ _dodged her invites to hang out with him or tried to run away from her when she began trying to find him to_ _herself_ _._

_She missed him this past few days but she knew that Subaru wouldn't ever forget her invite even if he was busy._

_They both agreed on this date so it was just like a promise!_

_"_ _I won't forgive him if he forgets this time. Hmph!_ _"_ _Emilia scoffed at her knight's_ _habit_ _to_ _not_ _follow through on his promises._

_Her smile returned full force once she caught a glimpse of her black-haired knight in the distance of the garden._

_Butterflies moved and_ _danced in_ _her stomach as a red blush formed on her cheeks. The excitement of seeing the person_ _she has been thinking about for so long_ _after not being in touch with him for days was so euphoric! She wanted to hug him and stay close to his warmth._

_She wanted him to know how much she liked being with him. She wanted to hear how much he loved her as well. It was a really pleasant feeling._

_Emilia tried not to seem too excited as she forced her long legs to carry her towards_ _the black-haired young man_ _. The one she can't get enough of._

_"_ _Subaru!_ _"_ _In her excitement, Emilia didn't notice how her knight looked as he turned around quickly to face her._

_Once Emilia stopped infront of her knight waiting for him to greet her with one of his silly jokes that made her fuzzy and warm inside._

_She noticed_ _…._

_"_ _S-Subaru! You look so terrible! We need to get you checked immediately. Come._ _"_

_Emilia instantly noticed how beaten up the boy before her really seemed. Black rings under his eyes, mouth so dry from dehydration it looked crusty, a face that had purple gashes around it as if he was hit in the face in random spots that were later bruised, very rugged hair, and his clothes were all inside out._

_"E-Emilia…_ _"_

_The candidate stopped trying to pull him with her towards the mansion and looked at the boy in alarm._

_Something was most definitely wrong_ _with him._

_"You…_ _You didn't say tan…_ _"_

_Emilia softly questioned, a little hurt._

_Subaru looked to the ground with his bloodshot eyes not meeting her own._

_"Sorry…_ _but as a knight… I can't be calling my master anything that would lead to belittling them._ _"_

_"_ _You think tan belittles me?_ _"_

_The boy looked as if he was flinching but she honestly didn't focus hard enough… something was absolutely wrong here. She didn't like how this was making her feel at all._

_It felt like something bad is about to happen. Her knight's attire certainly prepared for the part. And his disowning of a nickname she grew to treasure truly made her feel a tiny hint of anger towards him._

_"Subaru…_ _Aren't you supposed to be ready for our date? You said last week that you would accompany me to the new village. I asked you if you wanted to go out…as a couple this time. You said you would show_ _me_ _a world I've never seen before. Do you remember?_ _"_ _Emilia had little droplets of tears in her eyes as she noticed how horrified Subaru's eyes looked. Like he was scared of what she was saying._

_As if someone will hear her words and punish the boy for them._

_"S-Subaru…_ _"_ _Emilia whispered brokenly. Worried for her knight. And terrified of the despaired expression on the boy's face._

_"E-Emilia…_ _._

_I can't be in love with you anymore._ _"_

_._

_._

_._

_._

_._

.

.

_"_ _I will always protect you… But as your knight… It would be treason to become your husband as well… So I can't be in love with you._ _"_

_"…"_

_Emilia stared at him with wide-open eyes._

_Her heart barely beating._

_Crushed._

_Her emotion flaring._

_Her mind not registering what she_ _had_ _just heard._

_Subaru kept an emotionless, yet deeply broken expression on his face as he waited bravely for her reply._

_Her fists started shaking._

_"_ _You said that you would wait for me…_ _"_

_"…"_

_"_ _You said that you would wait until I steadily fell in love with you, you wanted to be my knight to stay by my side._ _"_

_"_ _I do. I still do. But I can't operate romantically with you. It'd be against the code._ _"_

_Emilia was having none of this kid's-_

_"_ _BULLCRAP! You told me that you loved me so much that it hurt! You told me that you would walk with me until I achieved my dream with the hope that you would make me fall for you! You told me 2 thousand things that made you love me!_

_You already made me so happy just by staying by my side and now that I've come to tell you how much I love you too, how much you make happy,_

_you say that you don't want to have any of it just because you're my knight?!_ _"_

_Emilia shouted so heatedly and so loudly that even the entire world stopped._

_No animal or insect or person or dragon dared but to look on as Emilia glared hatefully while breathing heavily at the completely broken-looking Subaru._

_Tears were running down his cheeks as he spoke in a steeled cold tone._

_"_ _Yes._ _"_

_"…"_

_"_ _That's what I'm saying. I don't love you anymore Emi-_ _"_

**_SLAP_ **

_"_ _Get out of my sight._ _"_

_Subaru held his cheek in one hand and kept his face gazing away from the girl he wanted to protect._

_Emilia just glared with all of her hatred aimed at the boy. Her tears shedding softly against her cheeks. Her sobs being silenced by her sheer anger at the unfairness of the situation._

_"_ _I hate you._ _"_ _She spat venomously and a little childishly, wanting to hurt him just as much as he was hurting her._

_Giving him one last glare and seeing how his cheek was bleeding Emilia walked away with one sentence coming unconsciously out of her mouth._

_"_ _Get Frederica to treat that for you._ _"_ _She said coldly before running off to cry her heartbreak into a pillow._

_She could faintly hear a few words before running off._

_"_ _I'm so sorry… you'll be hurt… I don't want to… hate me… Emilia….._

… _tan._ _"_

* * *

Everyone sat in silence around Emilia's desk as she contemplated everything she had heard from her camp members.

Otto, Garfiel, and Petra looked at the silent princess with nervousness clear on all of their expressions.

Beatrice and Ram had faces of seriousness and alarm on them as they stared at the frozen half-elf.

Emilia was shocked. She was bewildered.

_"_ _This absolute nincompoop!_ _"_

The furious girl shouted while slamming her fist on the desk.

Everyone looked at her in shock and surprise.

Emilia looked at them with heated rage behind her amethyst eyes.

"Beako, prepare the custom spell you're using and give me access to his gate. Petra, go with Ram and prepare me a dining room set for two people. Otto and Garfiel, I want you two to keep an eye on Subaru until I tell Ram to fetch him for me. I won't let this moron of a boy get away with such vile thinking, not just about us, but about himself as well. Can I count on you guys?" Emilia gave a confident smile as her heart filled up with relief and her eyes had light in them once again.

Everything she had just heard affirmed that her hopes were true. Subaru wasn't leaving her because of some stupid knight rule or because she was no longer interesting to him.

He was trying to protect them.

To stay away from everyone in the mansion while the Witch's Cult slowly tore away bits of his gate's collected mana to tire him out.

"He didn't want to let them spread their curses towards the rest of us, I suppose. Even the sleeping girl would've been affected so he stopped his visits. It's why he stays with Betty for very little time, infact."

That was Beatrice's explanation after Petra and the boys told her of what Subaru has been doing to them. She figured out the increased sleeping time and the inconstant tiredness he exhibits were from a curse. And since she noticed an increase in _a certain scent_ she deduced that the Cult was responsible for Subaru's misery this past week. And since he didn't want to worry anyone, he decided to keep his pain all to himself and cut everyone off abruptly to make them repulse him and stay away.

Petra confirmed that she saw Subaru breakdown. As did Beatrice who told them about all the other nights she had to wake him up from a nightmare or to have a display of pure shock at any sign of kindness aimed toward him.

'He's been trying soooo hard to make us hate him! This boy is such an idiot! A moron! Dummy!' Emilia spouted out insults to the boy while pouting at the wall of her chambers.

She couldn't deny… her heart warmed up a bit.

The last night was one of Emilia's worst and most painful nights. She didn't know if she even slept since she had been crying her eyes out the whole night. The thoughts of being all alone for the rest of her life scared her. The thought of her wonderful friend-turned-knight not loving her anymore was so wrong and painful to her. She wanted his warmth. She wanted his smile. She wanted him to stand by her side as Subaru Natsuki… Not some boring proper knight….

And now that she had learned how he was treating himself and the other members of her camp because of his stupid thinking…

Emilia was more than rightfully pissed.

"You won't get away with this you, idiot." Emilia whispered and began to get ready. There was an expression of pure determination on her face as she prepared to face down her own knight and force him free of his curse tonight.

* * *

As night time fell on the Roswaal estate, a newly cleaned up yet stressed-looking Subaru was shown walking through the hallways of the mansion.

"Shit shit shit! What am I going to do now?! She probably wants to kick me out after what I did to her…. Or worse… she wants to become friends with me again! I can't be close to her again. I can't even look her in the eyes anymore! If…"

Subaru's face contorted to panic as he felt a soft graze against his heart…

Soft enough to force him to tremble in place…

Breathing heavily, the boy leaned on a wall to calm his shaking nerves.

"What is this… It's way too messed up to be a hostage situation… Kgh!" He sobbed a little as his heart was pinched by something sharp and pointy.

Her claws.

**Don't be a bad boy now, my beloved. Tehehehe… I love you…**

**Don't forget who you are** **…**

"Who I am?" He choked softly and breathed in relief as his world brightened once more.

His heart released from her claws as she took mercy upon him.

**You're mine, love.**

**Mine.**

Subaru's relief turned to horror once more. Her obsessive tone making him sick, he trembled against the wall as he stood up on shaky legs. The boy gritted his teeth and limped towards the dining room with tears in his eyes. The sharp grip on his heart never leaving him, or perhaps it did leave him and he was so traumatized that he could feel its phantom presence around his heart.

The Witch's mark was left on him.

She had marked his heart, mind, body, and soul.

Subaru was hers forever.

**Thaaaaat's right. Embrace the truth, my dear. Be mine.**

Envy softly mused in sadistic glee as the trembling boy slowly limped towards his meeting with the false half-elf.

One thought was on the boy's mind.

_"_ _I have to stay away from Emilia… I have to make her hate me… Satella is too strong. I can't do anything but accept her now. It's over._ _"_

Subaru walked towards the dining room he was asked to meet Emilia in, an expression of determination and steeled resolve on his face.

He won't let Envy hurt Emilia. He will save them all. Even he has to hurt them to make them stay away from him.

* * *

Arriving at the agreed-upon room, Subaru stopped to ponder on how weird and disconcerting this situation has become.

His mind raced back to when he was at the mansion's exquisite library an hour before. He was reading and studying many a scroll or textbook he could find that had even remote descriptions of a problem like the one he was having.

He wished that the forbidden library was still around. He wished that he could've been at least smart enough to have used the knowledge of his spirit to find a way out of Satella's….or Envy's clutches.

"Nothing."

"Nothing."

He couldn't find anything useful. And he wasn't sure that what would happen if he did. She had the ability to kill him whenever she wanted now. She can control the world and warp it to her heart's content using all of his mana. It seems as if his gate was bringing a special kind of mana that boosted her abilities greatly even though it has broken.

He could only theorize and hope that she wasn't watching once he finds a solution to this problem.

For hours he looked… to end up with nothing. This library was empty of answers.

He could only slump against a bookshelf and wallow in his misery. He won't get the chance to apologize to any of them. He needed to get far away… from everyone.

It was over for him.

"Barusu."

Looking up, the boy noticed a softer much more kind Ram staring down at him with an unreadable expression.

"R-Ram? What's going on?" Subaru asked hoarsely and tiredly, looking at the maid with a confused dull look.

"… Emilia-sama wants to meet with you for dinner after an hour. Please meet her in the second wing, quarter dining room." The maid told softly and turned to leave without letting him say a word.

* * *

"Now that I think about it… Ram didn't seem to be disgusted with my existence… She looked as if… she was sad for me?" Subaru shook his head and slapped his face to forget such a thought. He almost felt warmth at the idea of the pink Oni reconciling with him.

That was dangerous with his jealous warden hanging to every thought.

Ram would've almost been killed.

Sighing, Subaru opened the door to dine one last time with a girl…

A beautiful, amazing, shining, angelic, elegant, heartwarming girl.

A silver-haired lady stood beneath the moonlight on her balcony. Her white skin was radiating off the walls around her as if the moon itself was gracing her with its luminescence.

An infallibly gorgeous dress that held Emilia's status as a royal and amplified it to make her look as if she was a goddess beneath the starry sky.

Higher than him, from another dimension, from a superior heaven to his own. That's where this angel had come from.

*** CLUTCH! ***

"….Rghk!"

**I know she might look like me but don't get too silly now.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Love.**

Subaru clutched his shirt and leaned against the door while whimpering in pain. Choking his agony-filled sobs to not alert the goddess on the balcony in front of him of his pain. He bit his lip as hard as he could. His legs shook because of the Witch's wrath-filled words that had been pushed into his brain.

Subaru contained his tears and calmed his abused heart by breathing slowly.

And then…

Her voice spoke up.

"You look like you are in pain, Subaru."

His dark brown eyes widened in horror. The walls closed in on him.

He couldn't breathe.

"I know we haven't talked since… you know… "

**_You think tan, belittles me?_ **

**_You told me you would wait for me…_ **

**_I love you and now you say can't?_ **

**_Get out of my sight!_ **

**_I hate you._ **

"… I… I wanted to talk to you, Subaru."

Her voice filled with malice… her eyes shining with tears in the garden… Her heartbroken in two after his cold rejection… her betrayed expression…

Subaru could only stare at the floor of the dining room. Not worthy of meeting Emilia's own as she stood before him.

He never noticed her moving from the balcony to the door of the room to greet him, or her standing over his nearly collapsing body.

But he did notice something in her voice. It was the sound of hurt and pity.

Emilia wanted to speak with him because she learned how far better she deserved instead of him. And she felt guilty that she is willing to move on from him without giving him a warning.

Subaru's heart broke… Emilia's invitation was for her to kick him out and be better off without him in her life…

It hurt damn it.

It's what he wanted. What he needed. For Emilia and his friends to all turn away from him and leave Envy's possession behind so that they will all be safe.

It hurt.

'I wanted to have a family goddamn it. I wanted to be loved by these people… I wanted to save Rem, to help Otto, to teach Garf, to create memories with Beako…'

Subaru slumped against the wall. Not caring for one worried half-elf that had a hand to her mouth as she watched the boy fall at her feet.

Not caring for the furious other half-elf that was watching from the shadow realm with her fists shaking as she heard every word Subaru was thinking about him caring for people other than her.

Subaru needed to vent because his soul couldn't take it.

So… these two elf girls can suck it.

**"** **I didn't want to be apart of this, Goddammit!** **"**

Despair, agony, hatred…. Hatred….. Hatred….

Subaru cried and held his head in both hands as his knees folded to hide his face.

He cried, curled up against the wall, he cried. Before Emilia and before the Witch of Envy he just screamed and cried his pain away.

He hated it. He hated this loneliness. He didn't want to be kicked out. He didn't want to be left alone.

He wants her to care for him. He wants her to love him. He wants her to keep looking at him in worry to make him feel acknowledged and safe.

But he understood why she wanted to kick him out. He didn't deserve her. He didn't deserve any of them. How many times had they died for him now? How many painful torturous loops had he left them all to rot alone for another reality that suited him better?

How many times did he fail them?

He was a loser. Weak. Disgusting. Broken. Ugly. With no talent for anything. Arrogant. Blabbermouth. Slow. A moron. A useless politician.

What was his job except letting them die and going to the next world to save other versions of them?

He was a demon. A disgusting creature. Immoral and hateful.

He _deserves_ to be Envy's play toy. He is nothing without her help anyways.

The best he could do… Is let them all live their lives in peace without his useless self placing a dangerous marker over their foreheads.

He was the problem. He deserved this pain.

"Subaru…. "

A worried voice whispered through the now quiet room.

Emilia had been looking on with a clenching heart all this time. He had been screaming and whimpering wildly as if he was being tortured. Eyes wide and frantic, teeth gritted, hands shaking, mouth erratic.

Subaru wasn't fine. He wasn't alright. He was in great, great pain.

And Emilia told him that she hated him for it.

The half-elf could only suppress her guilt by putting the priority of helping her knight first in her mind. Taking action…

Emilia didn't know what she should do.

She could only look on in bewilderment and confusion. She couldn't think of anything she should do to help.

"S-Subaru… I… " Emilia tried to say something but nothing was coming to her. It was as if her mind locked on the sight of him crying on the ground and thought of nothing else.

She was useless.

This wonderful boy had paid so much in the price of his love for her.

He got entangled with the cult and now he was suffering because of them. His breakdown was probably because they were asserting their control over him again.

It was a fact, Subaru was now being freed from the clutches of whatever power holding him.

Emilia and Beatrice placed their mana together to make a custom spell that covered Subaru's gate… making him unable to be accessed through the mana of the world since his gate was now in a bubble made out of Emilia's and Beatrice's hard work. It helped that the great spirit was able to learn such spells and their effects from the forbidden library.

In this dining room… Emilia had essentially forced a countdown between her and them.

She just had to make him stay in here until Beatrice can use her spirit magic against the bindings over his gate… making whomever it was that were taking mana out of Subaru's life-force unable to do so again.

Her beloved would be safe…. Beloved.

'I love him….'

Emilia gazed at the whimpering boy as his screams quieted down and his tantrum was almost over.

Yesterday… she would've loved to see him in such pain like this.

To see him hurting just like she was,

Because this was her same position in her bed chambers last night. When he cruelly stomped on her heart and spat on the name of her love.

'So he just feels this pain over and over again…'

Remembering what Petra had told her of a breakdown he had hours before….

Emilia's eyes widened in horror.

'Every night?'

He lived like this every night for the past week… crying and tiring himself out while the Witch's Cult chipped away at his soul. Keeping himself fighting against this horrible pain while she was daydreaming in the room next door.

Underneath her roof… He was _dying._

"Why…. "

Emilia's attention was snapped back towards the curled up boy at her legs.

His tone broken… his whimpers ceasing almost to a halt.

"Why did you put up with someone like me?"

"…"

Emilia could feel physical pain….

"How… How did it take this long for you to want me out?"

His eyes were so glassy and dull, void and broken.

"Why did you take me into your camp if all I have done is hurt and belittle you and everyone else."

His tone was that of a child who's lost all hope.

Cracking, sobbing, breaking, choking. His words weren't coherent. His body trembling.

His stare dead of all light.

"Please… Tell me why… I don't deserve you… or anyone else in this place…"

The shattered boy looked up at the half-elf with a face so sickening to Emilia's heart that she felt her soul shatter.

A man, devoid of hope or reason for living, someone who gave up on themselves completely and where now crouched against the room's wall.

That's what Subaru Natsuki has become.

"Why… are you asking this?"

Confused and a little shaken by how much pain the boy was in. Emilia could only ask as she towered over him in a heartbroken tone.

She needed to know why thought of himself as someone she should be annoyed with.

Subaru gave her a sad smile that tore her heart even more as he spoke.

"Come on, Emilia-tan! How many times have I hurt and abused your trust in me? I'm not even sure half of the camp's members want to look me in the eyes because of how disgusting I've been towards them for this past while."

"You…. You don't even meet with any of us anymore, Subaru!" Emilia couldn't help her voice getting a little louder as her emotions intensified after hearing the boy's words.

Subaru laughed manically while softly standing up with his back slumped on the wall.

Facing Emilia, the same sad smile on his face dimmed a bit as he spoke with noticeable pain caught in his throat.

"Do you know why you're so amazing, Emilia?"

The worried girl stared into Subaru's eyes to meet his broken soul head-on.

"No." She answered with a straightened back. Ready to hear whatever he has to say. She needed to understand him if she wanted to help him.

What was it that Subaru suffers from exactly?

The boy smiled genuinely for the first time since coming to her room.

He gazed at her as if she was some divine being that he was lucky to speak with.

It was not at all how her Subaru used to look at her.

This was so much worse.

"You are the most amazing person I've ever met." Subaru started with a look of pure adoration on his face. "Not only are you so beautiful and god made. You are so kind, headstrong, capable, badass, generous, and so cool!" Like a child, Subaru counted while gazing at her in a creepy sense of glee. Emilia stayed silent.

"But what makes you more than amazing in my eyes?" Subaru laughed from the bottom of his heart. Emilia stayed silent.

"You managed to put up with me!" Subaru extended his arms wide with a twisted smile that completely broke Emilia's dam.

As she cried… she didn't say a word.

"You managed to make this useless and pathetic _kid_ have a use in this damn world. You made me feel like I was some chosen hero that could do anything because my princess believes in me! I was so happy that you saw me as someone you could waste your time with. The talentless boy from Japan, one who can't do anything except whine and complain all of the time. Useless and arrogant. So selfish I might even care about my own life rather than yours or the camp!"

Subaru held his chest as the phantom pain of Envy's clutch on his heart interrupted him. The broken boy couldn't focus long enough to notice how Envy hadn't yet attacked him for saying so many things to someone other than her.

He continued but without a smile this time. With tear tracks in his eyes as every single dead body, he saw of his friends and family in this other world played before his eyes.

Breaking him into the abyss once more;

So Subaru did what he always did in this abyss.

He counted.

"I'm so disgusting that I left my own mother and father behind without even saying anything before coming to Lugunica!"

Emilia didn't say anything.

"They were so amazing, they shouldn't have had someone as gross and disloyal as me for their family! I was the one who embarrassed you in front of every noble in the country because I was so ashamed of how Julius seemed better than me at everything. I'm so incompetent at everything I let Rem fall to an enemy I should've been the one to fight while I took most of the army to have meat shields around so I wouldn't get hurt! I wanted all the glory for myself without working or giving up my life because I'm a coward! A coward that doesn't deserve your love because it was based on superficial disgusting behavior!'"

Emilia stared with wide in disbelief eyes.

Unable to believe how haunted he looked;

Subaru slammed his fist against the wall and glared with all of his self-hate into Emilia's shocked eyes.

Dead against confusion,

Those were the two's stances.

Subaru was dead to himself. He was finally in the void again.

So he counted.

"I want all the glory and compliments for myself because I have no self-esteem. I don't want to work hard yet I want everyone to hail my name! I waste my time doing mundane things because I want to look like I've worked hard for my title as a knight. I want your love because it was the only thing harder for me to get and getting it was a thrill to my pride alone! I'm so useless I let this entire camp down. I let them all down by being the idiot and most underdeveloped, lazy bastard of a knight! I've ruined your chances with every important noblemen because I made myself a laughing stock to bump up my pride!"

Subaru breathed in and out heavily as he stared into Emilia's eyes.

He took a deep breath… and spoke in a hoarse tone that spelled how exhausted and broken he was.

"I thank you for wasting so much time with me… Emilia." Subaru choked out an empty sob with no tears.

"I understand why you want to kick me out now. Thanks for allowing me to see you one last tim-"

**(SMACK!)**

The boy held his cheek in pain. He didn't expect her to want to hurt him before he left. But he should've guessed that she was still pissed off at how much effort she wasted on him and wanted to get some sort of pleasure in hurting him.

Emilia simply waved her hand after slapping him as hard as she could.

She glared so heatedly that her eyes glowed in rage.

"You…" Emilia voiced in anger while gritting her teeth. Still in disbelief of what she had just heard.

Subaru looked at the lady with tears in his eyes but an expression of calm.

"Do you have any idea how much of a pain you really are, Subaru?!"

The boy felt like a punch had been delivered into his gut.

Emilia's eyes glared into his own as she stepped closer towards him. Her fists were shaking and her lips trembling wildly.

"Y-Yes… I do know how much trouble I've cau-"

"NO!"

Emilia swiftly slammed her palms on the wall at each side of his head and leaned down at him until her face was inches away from his.

Her furious stare looking into his soul as she shouted in rage.

"You don't talk! I'm so sick of this Subaru! I want my old one back! The one that made me feel happy and warm! Not you! You broken, pathetic shell of a man!"

Emilia shouted into his face with so much heated rage that she couldn't help but quickly grab his collar with both hands and raise the boy while pinning him against the wall with her elven strength.

Glaring, Emilia continued. "You've always been like this! We worry about you so much yet all you do is fight alone and face everything by yourself! We make every effort to get closer to you and you push all of us away because of this twisted sense of self-worth that's been beaten into you! You. Are. Such. A. Paaaaaaaain to deal with!"

The silver-haired lady softly growled as she held him up against the wall and kept her glare straight into his shocked eyes.

"It stops here! It stops right here! No more of this you idiot! I won't let you face things alone! You will be trained! You will be cheered. You will be taking official classes on how to be a _human_! I don't care, Subaru!"

Emilia dropped him on the ground and leaned down towards his face. Subaru noticed how her tear streaks never stopped since she had started yelling at him.

The half-elf, completely understanding how much her knight hated himself and was willing to hurt himself to help her, began sobbing while angrily venting her frustration at him for being so… .

"Dumb! You're such a dummy!" Emilia sobbed while glaring at him in grief.

"You don't know what we feel like when you hurt yourself to help us. You say that you're useless and incompetent but you've done sooo many amazing things! You wanted to take the glory you say? Then why do you reflect our compliments and praise every time we give it to you as if you didn't deserve it when you truly do? Face it you dummy!"

Emilia held his collar in both hands and made him look her in the eye as both of them sat down on the floor.

"You're the only one who brought us all together. You've saved every one of us in some way shape or form. We won't ever think any of those things about you no matter what, you fool! You're the person I treasure most Subaru!"

The boy's eyes widened in more disbelief as he heard an unmistakable crack,

Why was the void looking brighter?

"Otto and Garfiel want their best friend back so they could play. Beako is still trying to make a cake to make you one for your birthday. Ram is talking about you to Rem every single day just so Rem wouldn't feel lonely and blame you."

Subaru's eyes no longer focused on Emilia's as his head moved back. His body was paralyzed in shock and intense emotion as the memories of his friends played before him.

"You're so amazing." Emilia softly spoke while keeping her hold on his collar tight.

Her heart giving her a boost of confidence as she felt more powerful than ever,

To feel like she was on equal footing with him,

To have everything out in the open,

It's a cathartic sense.

One she will use to help this stupid wonderful kid she loved so much.

"You're the one who saved my life so many times. You are the person I want to become. A leader that makes everyone around him feel safe and equal. You make me feel as if I can truly do anything when you are standing beside me. You were the one to hold my hand when my own spirit left me. You are the person I trust most. I want most."

Emilia stared deeply into his eyes as she leaned in close.

Warmly and with a sad embarrassed grin, as her tears ran down, the half-elf declared.

 _"_ _You've done it, you idiot. You made me fall in love._ "

As her voice echoed across the empty space that trapped him.

The cracks finally spread wide enough for the darkness to shatter around the useless knight.

Natsuki Subaru could feel his abused heart again.

But this time something else grabbed it.

Warmth and love.

Real warmth and real love.

This time, nothing was forced upon him to make him feel like this.

"I love you."

Subaru looked up at her sweet angelic face, hearing the soothing tunic voice whisper to him.

Emilia softly smiled down while softly leaning closer with her hands on his chest. Her entire body resting on his as they both slumped against the wall.

"I love you so much, Subaru."

The boy no longer felt shackles around his heart or soul.

Nor his body or mind.

He was only experiencing the most emotional moment of his life. He was receiving Emilia's passion.

A passion so heartwarming and so right.

So angelic and so soft.

Not at all like the obsessive force of Envy.

"E-Emilia-tan… I-I… sorry-"

Emilia shook her head and chuckled a relieved broken chuckle.

Her tears turned to ones of happiness as she noticed the light coming back to his eyes.

"Don't talk you idiot."

Subaru could only gaze as the girl he thought would get hurt because of him instead became his savior.

Emilia leaned in closer until she could feel his warm breath on her lips.

Her eyes swimming into his,

"If you think that a knight's job requires you to stop loving me… and for me to stop falling in love with you… "

The beautiful girl whispered on his lips as she leaned even closer.

"Consider yourself officially fired, Natsuki Subaru."

Before he could register what had been growled out of her mouth.

Emilia captured his lips with hers.

Softly pushing him against the wall and leaning her body against his so she could press as hard as she could into his mouth,

Kissing him and forcing all of her love and passion into him.

Emilia declared her love for the boy.

The boy received it without any black hands crushing their hearts.

Natsuki Subaru

was free.

**THE END.**

* * *

**((((((((((((((Author's Note))))))))))))))**

Wanted to make something new and this little contest between me and some other writers gave me the chance to expand my writing style.

I'm honored to have such amazing people to support me as well as compliment and criticize my stuff.

Thanks to all of my friends and family that had helped me with some really rough days this past week.

I hope you all enjoyed this contest fic.

I absolutely loved writing it.

Mohamed. Out.

Also... I plan to make a second chapter to better explain what exactly happened between Beako and Envy-tan... It might also end up as a wholesome smut chapter between an Assertive Emilia and a very Done Subaru.

Tell me if you want it.


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